How to Beat Obama: A 'Money Plan' for Hillary

I get emails every day.  Tons of them.  Most are from political organizations, newspapers, blogs, pollsters, and, yes, even from presidential candidates asking me for money.  Well, just as this story was breaking this afternoon, I received this email from Hillary Clinton herself

Dear JekyllnHyde,

We had a huge night last night -- we won the biggest states and the most votes, and we are ahead in the overall race for delegates.  But this race is far from over.

We don't have time to catch our breath -- the next races are just three days away, and there are 10 more contests in February alone.

Let's meet this moment with bold action worthy of those who have put their faith in us. We are setting a big goal for the next three days: raise $3 million to fund our history-making campaign.

Thank you,

Hillary

Something, though, was missing from her email: it's a bit vanilla.  And I, like many people, prefer Haagen Daaz' creme brulee flavor.

As many of you may recall, I'm virtually Hillary's neighbor here in NW Washington, DC and the last time she invited me to lunch, I responded promptly but never heard back.  Even so, I thought what could I -- being a good neighbor and all -- do to help her realize her goal.

So, I say this to Hillary: you need a new fundraising campaign with more pizazz -- one that creates more buzz.  Or, that tall, skinny guy from Chicago will pass you by.  Don't believe me?  Here's an early indication of that.  

Here are a few 'Do's and Don'ts' for this upcoming campaign of your life.  You may want to consider using these videos in your fundraising appeals to really spice up your message

Monty Python's Flying Circus - The Money Programme!

There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash.
Some people say it's folly,
But I'd rather have the lolly,
With money you can ma-ake a splash.

For it's money money money makes the world go round.
(money,money,money,money
money,money,money,money
moneeeeeeeeeeeyyyy)

:: ::

Donna Summer - She Works Hard For The Money

She'll never sell out
She never will
Not for a dollar bill
She works hard

She works hard for the money
So hard for it honey
She works hard for the money
So you better treat her right

:: ::

ABBA - Money, Money, Money

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world

:: ::

O'Jays - For The Love of Money

Some people got to have it
Hey, Hey, Hey - some people really need it

Hey, listen to me, y'all do thangs, do thangs, do thangs - bad thangs with it
Well, you wanna do thangs, do thangs, do thangs - good thangs with it - yeah

Un Huh, talkin' bout cash money, money

Talkin' bout cash money - dollar bills y'all - come on, now

Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

:: ::

If nothing works, you can always use this one

Jerry Maguire

"Show me the money!"

:: ::

And finally, uh... don't use these guys to solicit money for the reception you get may not be to your liking

Pink Floyd - Money

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I’m all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

:: ::

Tom Waits - Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

They used to tell me I was building a dream
And so I followed the mob.
When there was earth to plow or guns to bear,
I was always there, right on the job.
They used to tell me I was building a dream
With peace and glory ahead --
Why should I be standing in line, just waiting for bread?

Brother can you spare a dime?

:: ::

link

"Go where the money is...and go there often."

:: ::

That's all for now, Hillary.  

You can do it.

Hang in there and good luck!