Missing link to seek GOP nomination

AP - The missing link has announced that he will "throw his hat into the tree" and compete for the Republican nomination for President of the United States, AKA, "The Biggest Loser."

Link, as he likes to be called, cited numerous similarities to President Bush, including "physical appearance" and a strong fondness for "peeing on anything that moves" as reasons for his "grounded optimism."

He went on to say, "I'd tell you I'd be a shoe-in to win this thing, but I don't know what a shoe is."

Critics of the missing link argue that he is evidence of evolution planted by "Satan himself." As one Republican strategist who asked not to be named pointed out, "Republicans just don't like evidence in any of its various forms."