Breaking: Bush to request colonial status

From sources close to Fux News.....

Beleagured at home, reviled by the rest of the world, the leader of the world's oldest democracy today went to meet Mr. Brown, the new P.M. of Britain and asked to be allowed to return to the status of a colony of the British Empire.

When asked his opinion of Mr. Bush's startling proposition Mr. Brown stated:

    Mr. Bush's petition for colonial status will be taken seriously although allowing the American colonies to return to the Empire is certain to raise eyebrows at home.  We will certainly look forward to evidence that this petition is well intentioned and serious.
    But we have to keep in mind that Americans have always been headstrong about their national identity.  The made up their own version of football, are alone in ignoring the metric system, and they drive on the wrong side of the road. Bringing them back into the fold would not be easy.

Bush released a statement that read as follows:

   

It is clear that my leadership of the United States has been a "miserable failure."  In order to avoid hostile takeover of our country by Al-Qaida loving surrender monkeys in the opposition party the course forward is clear.  

     It is time to turn over sovereignty to the British.  It will cement our long standing special relationship with the mother country.  It will throw all the legal attacks on my regime into the British legal system which will confuse and delay the extremists who are trying to destroy my presidency.

     Consultation with historians about my legacy indicate that this is the best policy.  Rather than going down in history as an incompetent unpopular president who invaded another country on false premises this bold move will push all those other issues into historical footnotes and my presidency will  now be judged on the success or failure of this new initiative.

A snap analysis by senior political analysts indicated suprising support for the President's bold gamble.  Among the benefits could be:

National Health Insurance for all Americans.

An end to the death penalty.

Proper use of the English language.

Superior support systems for the unemployed and impoverished.

Superior day care and prenatal care as well as maternity leave.

Retraining of police departments in use of force doctrines.

An entirely new class of actual Royalty and their dysfunctional personal lives to sell supermarket tabloids and fill 24 hour news channels.  

And a joint U.S.-British withdrawal from Iraq in light of the fact that the Bush government is constitutionally incapable of admitting actual errors in judgment.

One anonymous blogger on the well known Bush hating website Daily Kos was quoted off the record as saying....

The British suck.  They drink their beer warm, the don't know now to play baseball and they can't speak English properly.  But if it gets rid of Bush/Cheney/Gonzalez it might be a good thing.